Why Are Adult Friendships So Difficult to Find, Keep, and Maintain?

As an adult, friendships seem so much more difficult to find and foster than friendships found as a child.  Why is that?  Well first of all, when you are younger, you just need to find someone that you yourself like, and you have more free time to foster that relationship.  However after you have married and have children, finding relationships that sync with the entire family is much more of a challenge. 

I know that my husband is rather picky when it comes to people he likes to hang out with.  He usually prefers women since they're better able to keep a conversation going.  I myself look for a mother who shares in my parenting philosophies and who has a good sense of humor.  The complicated third piece to the puzzle is finding children that get along with my children.  

Once you've found the perfect magical match in another family, you then have to make sure not to do something to screw up the relationship.  If that other family doesn't invite you for play dates or dinner, you start to question what you did to mess with the delicate balance of the friendship.  Who in the family did the whole family a disservice by offending the other family?  It's just like dating - it becomes very stressful.

I know that my in-laws chose early on to focus on their family and their children's families instead of relationships with other couples.  Initially, I questioned the logic, but sometimes I can see the reasoning.  Family has to be there for you always because they're family.  Friends come and go, and then all of that time and effort goes up in smoke.  

Luckily for me, even though we have lost friends in the past for who knows what reason, we have found a few great families that we have regular play dates with and that are enriching our lives and the lives of our children.  Besides, adult friendships are worth the effort and are good for the soul because misery loves company, and sometimes there's nothing more miserable than parenthood.

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