Any woman who has suffered pregnancy (or God forbid, multiple pregnancies) has probably wished that her significant other could feel what she's going through, if just for a day... maybe then he would be more apt to volunteer to help out.
Many men seem to dote on their wives with their first pregnancies, but with any subsequent pregnancies, they seem to have used up all of that doting and extra helping, and they forget that their wives are super uncomfortable, unbalanced (emotionally and physically), and exhausted.
Here's what I think it might be like for a man to be pregnant:
Ugh, my back hurts... not like I just tweaked it playing golf... like a constant aching. I can't get comfortable no matter what position I try to sleep in... guess that means a crappy night's sleep tonight. How does she carry this thing around all the time? I want to die!
Am I waddling? Oh my Lord! I hope my friends don't see me like this. Did I just burp up liquid? What is happening?! I feel like I am gassier than I normally am, and that's a lot considering I'm a guy. Maybe a shower will help me feel better... I can't see my pe*is, wait, I can't see my feet either! Really?
I'm so hungry. Mmmm ice cream and chips. Oops, I dropped one on the floor. Why am I so clumsy all of a sudden? Oh my GOD - bending over to pick up this chip is so much work! No wonder my wife is crabby all the time.
I need to sit down; my feet are killing me. Oh, there are my feet; they look weird - like bloated ticks; this is ridiculous. Why would anyone want to endure this freak show more than once? Maybe I should help my wife out more; she must be just miserable all day, every day. I can't handle this. Get it out of me - NOW!
Maybe I'll sit with our son and watch a movie. Oh, that's great... I feel like crying. I do not cry, but I'm crying for no reason. It's a Disney movie, and I'm an adult man, but I can't help it... it's just so sad. Apparently, pregnancy makes people crazy because I have lost all control over my emotions.
Ugh... I'm so tired, and I think I'm getting a headache. What can I take? Tylenol? Are you f'n kidding me? That's not going to do anything! I might as well sniff a bottle of Excedrin; I'd get about the same result. Ah-ah-ah-ah-choo! Stupid allergies. Why are my pants wet? Did I seriously just pee when I sneezed? Okay, women are clearly deranged for ever willingly getting pregnant!
Maybe I'll lie down for a while. A nap always makes me feel better. What do you mean I can't sleep on my back? Whatever. Let me sleep... I'm crabby. Ahhh.... sleep.... Ouch! Something just kicked me in the ribs! Seriously? I was almost asleep! Give a guy a break! This kid isn't even out, and it's interrupting my naps and sucking the life out of me.
I need a beer, but I guess that's off the menu while I'm pregnant... that's the last straw! Okay, forget this! Dear wife, I beg you to take this baby back. I'm so sorry I didn't understand what you were going through. I'll help more; I promise! You are amazing for going through this once but for going through it more than once, well, you are obviously the stronger, more superior sex. I had no idea how horrible pregnancy was. I mean, if men had to have the babies, the species would definitely go extinct. Anything you want, you just let me know!
Image Credit: Wheat Belly Blog (http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/2011/08/thats-no-earthquake-thats-just-my-wheat-belly-rumbling/)
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