I realize that once you have a family, you're supposed to WANT to do everything with them, but sometimes I feel like I just need some time to myself.
Being home all day every day with my son (soon to be sons) and husband, I feel like when it came time to make the decision on whether or not to tag along with my husband on his annual work trip to Orlando, FL alone or with kid in tow, I had mixed, guilt-ridden feelings.
Family vacations are for families, I understand that, but right now, our family is a bit young to get any sort of actual enjoyment out of a family vacation... it would be more like misery caused from being away from home and being out of routine.
However, when I think about the fact that I SHOULD want to bring my son on a trip (a work trip for my husband, mind you) that may or may not include Disney World, part of me smiles as I envision his little face lighting up and the happiness he would have. However, the other more selfish, more realistic part of me sees the other side, the tantrums, the food battles, the not listening, the first-time-on-an-airplane-kid debacle, the trying to entertain a small child at a high-end, non kid-friendly hotel, the sitting in the room during nap time and early bed time while trying to be quiet... and I cringe.
Bringing a three-and-a-half year old, I would miss out on adult meals, drinks at the bar, dressing up like an adult with heels and fancy non-mom clothes... all of the things you give up but miss when you become a mother... I weigh the pros and cons in my head, and I'm so conflicted. I tell myself, maybe later when he's older and less work it will be easier and more fun. I make excuses because I know that even though I would miss him, I would SO enjoy that time away. Would he even remember a trip at this young age anyway, or would I be the only one left with the memories... memories filled with yelling, fatigue, exhaustion and laced with a little resentment?
And even though my in-laws have graciously said they would watch the kids, I still have guilt about asking someone to take care of my kids while I'm away, which is no small favor and which I do not take lightly as I know how much work kids can be. There's also that feeling of abandonment and sadness that I felt when I took this very trip in 2012 when Leighton was 15 months old. Trying to hold back tears the whole way to the airport, I remember having looked forward to it for so long only to feel so sad when the time actually came. Will those feelings be worse when I will be leaving two children?
When the time comes to book the tickets, I'm sure I'll have mixed emotions. For me, The Most Unlikely of Mothers, decisions like this are hard, and the answers don't come naturally. So I ask you, as much as she needs it, can any mother really enjoy a 100% guilt-free vacation FROM her family? I just don't know.
Original Image credit: CamelBackSportsTherapy.com (http://camelbacksportstherapy.com/injury-free-vacation-its-in-the-bag/)
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Cyndi M. Frick
This lifestyle blog is my outlet to share and advise about the things I love. I always have an opinion!