Okay, I knew that when I purchased my SS Camaro in 2012 when Leighton wasn't even one that it was an impractical, stupid decision, but as you all know, I was in full-on-mid-mommy-life crisis at the time. Not to say that I'm still not deep in it, but with another child coming in about a month, it is time to start being practical... and I'm SO not a practical person (which you can clearly tell from my footwear selections... "practical" in a MN winter to me means patent leather heeled boots.)
Was it an easy decision to come to, deciding to trade in my sports car for a mini van? Are you kidding? No! It was literally painful for both me and my husband. Does it kill me just a little bit? Your bet your arse it does. This is where you ask me, "Well, why don't you just get an SUV; they're not such a big transition? You can still be moderately cool." Well, it's a good question. However, SUVs are more expensive than mini vans, and frankly, mini vans are made for accommodating families. Kids can climb in and out easily, there's a ton of room for all of the crap you could possibly bring on a vacation (and I bring a LOT of crap), doors open with the push of a button, DVD players... When you mention buying a mini van to someone, the first thing that person says is, "It is so practical and great for kids", just like when you tell someone you're having a boy (in the same melancholy tone of voice), and everyone says, "boys are easier" and "boys love their mothers."
This decision is purely practical - ICK! I hate practical things (ask my husband about the time he bought me a plant for Mother's Day...). It will be more convenient, and a lot (A LOT) less expensive to own a mini van, but alas, I am heartbroken. Mark and some others have said that we should look at the Chrysler Town and Country because it's the "luxury" mini van, but regardless of the level of mini van we buy, it will still be a mini van, the least cool of the vehicles so what does it really even matter? I've never cared so little about the appearance of a vehicle before... the aesthetic has always been my primary selection factor when choosing every other vehicle. It's like I have given up, and it is depressing. I mean, there really is no such thing as a cool min van.
I'll tell you, when we first made the decision to have a child, I said I would NEVER buy a mini van. Do you know many finite statements I have made in regards to children? SO MANY. How many have I had to turn around and eat? Almost all of them. Darnit, darnit, darnit (or insert even stronger words here)!!!
Having children is all about self sacrifice (I knew that going in), and for someone who is a self-proclaimed selfish person, I fight myself every step of the way. Will I continue to learn things the hard way? Unfortunately, yes. Do I like learning this way? Of course not. I mean, I actually bought a pair of practical winter boots this year! Going out in public in those made me feel like the most unattractive person in the restaurant. Granted, I was fat pregnant at the time (and don't tell me that being pregnant isn't the same as being fat because it so is - they are synonymous like a square is always a rectangle or some crap like that) so that didn't help with my feelings of being the ugliest I've ever been ever.
I feel like when I go to take the keys to the mini van, they will hand me my sweater set just like they hand prison inmates an orange jump suit. There's no choice in the attire; it's expected... goes along with the job.
What is happening to me? It's too bad that TLC stopped running "What Not to Wear" because I feel like I'm heading straight for an intervention... soon you'll see me out and about in sweats (which, by the way, I do not own), no accessories, practical shoes, gray roots showing, unmanicured nails, and you'll wonder what happened. The mini van happened, practicality happened, self-sacrifice happened. I mean, hopefully it doesn't come to that (Lord help me if it does), but I feel like I'm a little powerless to stop my metamorphosis into the stereotypical mom. Pretty soon, I'll be taking that mini van to soccer practice... and that will be the last nail in the coffin.
For those of you who knew me pre-kids or even pre-mini van, please remember me as I was: well put together, the one who didn't look like a mom, the cool mom. A moment of silence please, for the death of the cool mom.
Image Credits: FindTheBest.com (http://cars.findthebest.com/l/5020/2014-Dodge-Grand-Caravan-SE), CLKER.com (http://www.clker.com/clipart-rip-tombstone.html)
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