Oh yes, it's a real thing people... gender disappointment is a very taboo topic because people will judge you for not just saying, "I don't care what gender my baby is as long as it is healthy".
Even if you have two of the same gender and are done having children (like myself), if people detect a hint of melancholy in your voice, in every an all instances you'll hear:"Well, you still have one more chance." What makes people think that you have another chance to have the gender of your preference when you are clearly finished? Maybe we should all wear those flippable signs like stores have on their windows that read "OPEN" or "CLOSED" except ours would read "The Baby Factory is OPEN" or "The Baby Factory is CLOSED!" (maybe I'll get some and start a new trend!)
I know I'm not alone in my thinking about feeling guilt for wishing for a specific gender. A friend of mine (a friend that had 2 boys at the time and was hoping for a girl) messaged me one day to tell me she had just found out her third would be a boy:
Me: Are you disappointed?
Friend: A part of me was, I'm starting to come around.
Me: I know how you feel.
Friend: I wish people would just say "I'm sorry you didn't get what you wanted." Is this wrong to think?
Me: I was actually just thinking that... how sorry I am for you. It is so hard when you find out.
Friend: Thank you. I know out of all the people I know, you would understand what I'm going through the most. Don't get me wrong... I'm happy that the baby looks healthy but...
And that "but..." pretty much sums it up. Unless you have been in that situation of wanting a child of a specific gender and not getting what you want, you have NO idea how hard it is and the shame that comes along with the unwanted feelings of disappointment that are supposed to be feelings of happiness.
Life is funny (not funny HAHA, funny ironic) - it never goes as you plan, which in my case, totally sucks because I plan everything, and I like to control everything! Another of my friends wanted all boys, and she got girls. I wanted girls and got boys... but would either of us change a thing? No.
It really did take a long time to get over the urge to have a girl, the tiny tingle that wished one of my boys had been a girl... but at this point, I have learned that I was given what I was meant to have - what I needed the most, and I'm reminded of that understanding almost daily. My boys love me SO much, and there's no drama... I mean, my oldest tells me when he's misbehaving... Besides, there is enough high-maintenance in this house with just me... I couldn't imagine how much there would be with another female.
And for my friend, the mother of now 3 boys, when she found out she was pregnant again and confided to me, "If it has a penis, I swear...", well, she's finally getting the little girl she always wanted.
Having overcome gender disappointment, I truly understand how many tears you might shed in solitude over your mixed emotions. Just know that your feelings are justified, don't feel ashamed, and the children that you were meant to have, you will love unconditionally regardless of what that ultrasound shows between their legs.
Cyndi M. Frick
This lifestyle blog is my outlet to share and advise about the things I love. I always have an opinion!